天天的部落格

結婚男人的計分表，或者說有伴男人，女生為你打幾分呢？

（譯文求流暢，不妥處將就一下了）
 
 
The Married Man's Score Board

(NOTE: a score of "0" means it was expected of him)
(零分表示想要你做的事，所以你做了也沒分數啦!)
Simple Duties 簡單工作
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* You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty-liners with wings: +5
   外出幫她買超彈力,超薄, 有縫邊加翅膀: 加5分
* But return with beer: -5
  你回來自己又買了啤酒. 扣5分
* You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
  她發現晚上外面有可疑聲音,你去檢查. 0分
* You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0
  你去查了並發現沒東西. 0分
* You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5
  你去查了並發現真有什麼動靜. 加5分.
* You pummel it with a six iron: +10
  你用六磅啞鈴砸過去. 加10分.
* It's her father: -10
  砸的是她爸爸. 扣10分.

Social Engagements  去外應酬時.
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* You stay by her side the entire party: 0
   你一直陪在她身邊. 0分.
* You stay by her side for awhile, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy: -2
  你只在身邊呆一下就和大學酒友聊天去了. 扣2分.
* Named Tiffany: -4
  酒友名叫蒂芬妮. 扣4分.
* Tiffany is a dancer: -6
  她是舞者. 扣6分.
* Tiffany has implants: -8
  她有隆乳. 扣8分.

Saturday Afternoons  星期六下午
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* You visit her parents: +1
  你去探望她父母. 加1分.
* You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
  你探望她父母並實際上和他們聊了一下. 加3分.
* You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3
  你探望她父母並且兩眼空洞的看著電視. 扣3分.
* And the television is off: -6
  而且電視是關的. 扣6分.
* You spend the day watching college football in your underwear: -6
  你整個周六穿著內衣看你大學足球比賽. 扣6分.
* And you didn't even go to college: -10
  你根本沒上過大學. 扣１０分.
* And it's not really your underwear: -15
  而你穿的也不是你的內衣. 扣15分.

Her Birthday 她過生日時.
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* You take her out to dinner: 0
   你帶她去晚餐. 0分.
* You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +1
   你帶她去晚餐的地方不是看運動轉播的酒吧. 加1分.
* Okay, it's a sports bar: -2
  好吧, 你帶去了看電視轉播的酒吧為她過生日. 扣2分.
* And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3
  而且是吃到飽的店. 扣3分.
* It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10
 是電視轉播又是吃到飽的店, 你臉上的表情因你的隊表現而起伏不定. 扣10分.
* You give her a gift: 0
  你送她生日禮物. 0分.
* You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance: -10
  你送她的禮物是小工具. 扣10分.
* You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance: +1
  你送她的禮物不是小工具. 加1分.
* You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate: +2
  你送她的禮物不是巧克力. 加2分.
* You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months: +30
  你送她的禮物要你分期付好幾個月. 加30分.
* You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10
   你一直等到她生日那天最後一分鐘才買禮物. 扣10分.
* With her credit card: -30 
  並用她的信用卡. 扣30分.
* And whatever you bought is two sizes too small: -40
  而你買的東西又小了兩號. 扣40分.

Thoughtfulness  心思細密度.
----------------------
* You forgot to pick her up at the bus station: -25
   你忘了去巴士站去接她.扣25分
* Which is in Newark, New Jersey: -35
   那又是大老遠機場的巴士站. 扣35分.
* And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50
  傾盆大雨把她腿上石膏都溶了. 扣50分.（天啊！她還受傷沒好哩！）

A Night Out With Your Pals 晚上和哥們出去.
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* You have a few beers: -9
  你只喝了幾罐啤酒. 扣9分.
* For every beer after three: -2 again
  三罐之後每多一罐扣2分.
* And miss curfew by an hour: -12
  你宵禁過了一小時才回家. 扣12分.
* You get home at 3 a.m.: -20
  早上3點才回家. 扣20分.
* You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30
  早上3點才回家,全身都是酒味和便宜雪茄味. 扣30分.
* And not wearing any pants: -40
  而且沒穿任何褲子. 扣40分.
* Is that a tattoo? -200
  身上搞了刺青?扣200分.

A Night Out, Just the Two of You 晚上只有你們二人出去.
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* You go see a comic: +2
  你們去看喜劇.
* He's crude and sexist: -2
  男主角粗暴而岐視女人.扣2分.
* You laugh: -5
  你在笑.扣5分.
* You laugh too much: -10
  你一直在笑 扣10分.
* She's not laughing: -15
  她不笑, 扣15分.
* You laugh harder: -25
  你愈笑愈大聲了. 扣25分.

Driving
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* You lose the directions on a trip: -4
　你搞不清方向了　扣４分
* You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10
　結果兩人迷路了　扣１０分
* You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15
   又是在城中治安最差的地方迷路
* You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close & personal: -25
　然後又來了當地混混糾纏：扣２５分
* She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60
　她發現原來你說是黑帶高手是騙人的：扣６０分

Communication　溝通
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* When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned __expression: 0
她談論問題時，你傾聽並看起來很認真的表情：０分
* When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5
　保持那樣超過３０分鐘：加５分
* You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television or picking up a newspaper: +10
　保持那樣超過３０分鐘，而且沒有偷瞄電視或拿起報紙：加１０分
* She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -10
　她發現以上你表現是因為你睏去了：扣１０分
 
 
男人難做Ｙ！！